A Split Second of Indecision
by Dahlia J Black
Summary: //Slash Blackslash Contest Entry// On his wedding day, Jacob is standing between his bride and his best man- the love of his life and his best friend- but not necessarily in that order. AH/AU/SLASH. Rated M for language and graphic slashy situations.
1. Day One

_**SLASH BACKSLASH ONE-SHOT CONTEST**_

**Story Name:** A Split Second of Indecision

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Pen name:** Dahlia J Black

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Pairing:** Jacob and Seth

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Disclaimer:** Stephenie Meyer created the wonderful world of Twi, but I bet she never thought of putting these two together.

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To see other entries in the "SLASH BACKSLASH" contest, please visit the C2:****http ://www. fanfiction. net/c2/74941/3/0/1/**

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**A/N: **Thank you to **Hopeful Wager**, whose beta skills made this better, and to my preview girls for general awesomery and snuggles when I needed them.

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**Jacob POV**

Today was my wedding day, and for some reason I was scared shitless- which scared me even more, because it wasn't normal to feel like this on your wedding day, right? It wasn't that I never thought the day would arrive- I'd been pretty sure that I was going to get married for at least eight of my twenty-four years. I also knew exactly who it would be: Bella Swan, the only girl I've ever loved, my high school sweetheart, my best friend. Okay, joint best friend. She shared the title with Seth Clearwater.

Seth.

My first memory in life was of Seth. We couldn't have been more than 3 years old at the time, playing in the sand at La Push beach, chasing each other with driftwood and seaweed. Our fathers had grown up together and were thrilled when their wives gave birth two weeks apart. Seth had just always been there, since forever.

Bella had been there since almost-forever. She had been born in Forks, a few months before Seth and me, but her parents had broken up when she was still a baby. Renée had taken her and moved back with her parents in Arizona, but soon realized she couldn't cope with being barely twenty and having a newborn to take care of. She left Bella with her grandparents and undertook the great American roadtrip with some obscure band from the 80's who no one remembered anymore. Both Bella's grandparents had died by the time she was 6 when she came to live with Charlie.

Bella, Seth and I were the perfect trio of evil doers. From the moment we had laid our eyes on each other, we had been inseparable. If any one of us was ever seen alone, the whereabouts of the other two would also be enquired after. Bella, Jake and Seth. Seth, Jake and Bella. It was like we had mutated into some kind of three-headed entity, and we loved it.

Our friendship didn't die down during elementary school, even when it was gross for girls and boys to be friends. It didn't die down in middle school when Bella liked Hanson, and Seth and I teased her mercilessly for it. It didn't die down in our junior year of high school, when Bella and I started to date each other, or senior year of high school when Seth dropped the bomb that he was gay. We remained friends throughout college, when Seth and I shared a dorm room, much to our continuous ridicule, and Bella lived on the floor above us with her roommate, Angela.

And here we were, two decades of friendship between us, the three of us standing under a lily-sheathed trellis, on a flat cliff overlooking the sparkling Pacific Ocean. Bella and I were getting married, and Seth was our best man. Angela stood to Bella's left, "for balance," our wedding planner, Alice, had insisted.

Bella handed her bouquet to Angela after Charlie had finished fiercely hugging her and shooting warning glances at me. She turned to me, her soft features hidden behind the light film of her veil. My hands trembled as I lifted the material off her face to reveal her blushing cheeks and teary eyes. I heard Seth's chuckle behind me at the same time my own nervous chuckle escaped my lips. Of course Bella would be crying- the girl was like a leaky faucet.

I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned my head to see the handkerchief that Seth was holding out to me. "Excellent best man skills," I whispered, relieved, winking at him. He beamed back at me, his wide, familiar grin calming the crazy butterflies in my stomach to some extent. The butterflies had been omnipresent for a year now, since everyone in my life had finally convinced me to "get it over with and ask her already," as they had so fondly put it, and had been getting progressively worse as the wedding drew nearer.

I dabbed the moisture from Bella's cheek with a trembling hand, gratefully suspecting that Alice had plied her with waterproof mascara before the ceremony. I tried unsuccessfully to stuff the handkerchief in the pocket of my suit pants with my fumbling hand. I felt Seth's warm fingertips brush against my hand and released it into his grasp. Thank God someone had it together.

Bella took a deep, quivering breath as I took her small hand in mine and turned to face Angela's father, Reverend Weber, who was officiating the ceremony.

"You two ready?" he whispered kindly, to which Bella and I responded with matching weak grins.

He stood up straighter, clearing his throat softly. "Afternoon, friends. Isn't it a perfect day for these two beautiful young people to be getting married?" He gestured to the miraculously clear La Push skyline. It was one of the sunniest days in the history of the Olympic Peninsula. I barely recognized it. If it wasn't for the handful of dark yet fluffy clouds that hung in the sky, I could've sworn we'd been transported to Southern California. It was hot and muggy and I was sweating in a dangerous way. Or, maybe it was just me, because Bella's tiny hand was cool in mine and I couldn't see a drop of sweat Reverend Weber's face either. Weird.

"I remember the first time I set my eyes on Bella and Jacob together," he continued, "and I can't remember seeing them apart since. Of course, Seth wasn't far behind." A few light chuckles drifted through the air towards us.

I remembered the day that Reverend Weber was referring to.

_**1993**_

_We were eight when the Webers moved to Forks. Old Reverend McCarty had grown too old to tend to the small parish of Forks Methodist Church, and Reverend Weber, his wife and three small children had moved to Forks to replace them. _

_We were playing in Bella's front yard when we saw the bright yellow moving truck drive past. It was a rare sighting. Hardly anyone ever moved _to_ Forks._

_Like the curious kids we were, we charged down the street, after the truck, which turned left at the bottom._

"_Faster, before we lose it!" I urged, dragging Bella along with me, Seth holding his own on my other side._

"_I'm _trying_," Bella whined through strained breaths._

"_Slow down," Seth warned, "before she tri-"_

_Seth couldn't even finish his sentence before Bella's legs tangled in mine and we crashed into the pavement in a knotted mess of limbs._

_I felt Seth lift Bella up, away from me, but I just lay there, feeling a strange tingling in my left arm. I squinted up to see Bella and Seth's horrified-looking faces._

"_What?" I asked, silent terror seeping through me._

"_Your… your arm," Seth grimaced. Bella buried her head in Seth's shoulder, possibly in an attempt to spare me the distress on her face._

_I looked down to find my arm twisted in a grossly unnatural way. My stomach turned slightly at the sight._

"_You kids alright over there?" an unfamiliar male voice asked._

_The three of us turned our heads to find the tallest man we had ever seen standing a few houses down. He looked kind and concerned._

"_I think he broke his arm," Seth said, obviously terrified, while Bella just shook slightly, gasping out a few quiet sobs._

_The man walked toward us and bent down to examine my contorted arm, which was turning a sickly mix of green and blue. I winced when he touched it lightly. _

"_Definitely broken," he declared with a firm nod._

_Reverend Weber took the three of us back to Bella's house, where Charlie, Billy and Harry were watching football together. The three of them laughed heartily at the realization that Bella's clumsiness had become so rampant that it was starting to injure people besides herself._

My arm was in a cast for most of the summer, tantamount to the apocalypse for an eight-year-old boy. Not that it had kept me from climbing trees and going swimming in the shallow pools at First Beach. My cast had looked like some kind of mummified bandage by the end of it, but I had fought stubbornly to keep it after they took it off, because Seth had drawn a picture of the three of us as the Power Rangers on it. After a week's worth of arguments my mom had agreed, on the condition that she would cut the picture out and frame it for me. I had reluctantly compromised, and today the picture was still proudly displayed in the living room of the apartment that Bella and I shared.

The sound of intermingled laughter snapped me out of my memory.

"I was horrified when their fathers laughed at poor Jake's broken arm," Reverend Weber was saying, "until they told me how often they had to rush Bella to the emergency room. Having to take Jake was a refreshing change for them."

Bella squeezed my hand and peered sideways at me with an apologetic smile. I smiled back at her and glanced at Seth, who was rolling his eyes at the memory. It was slightly overwhelming to think that my history was so completely interwoven with the lives of my best friends. We were all about our history, almost like it defined who we were. We hadn't really started existing independently until after college, although we were still very close friends. Seth ate dinner at our place at least once a week and his apartment was only two blocks away.

"I got to know Jacob and the rest of the Black family well during his mother's illness." Reverend Weber's words immediately caused a pang in my chest. "He was exceptionally mature at the age of sixteen. He never acted out in anger at his mother's death and truly became a rock in his father's life while his sisters were away at college. I'm sure that his mother would have been thrilled to know of his blossoming relationship with Bella, whom she was always very fond of."

Bella gripped my hand tighter, indicating her understanding. I had been devastated when my mother had been diagnosed with breast cancer. Reverend Weber had been wrong about the not acting out part.

I had been plenty angry, but only dared to show it to Seth. I hadn't wanted to burden Bella with my rages, too. My mother had been the closest thing to a mother Bella had ever had, and she had kept a near-constant vigil at her bedside during her last days.

_**2001**_

_After my dad drove me and Seth home one night when visiting hours were over, only to return to the hospital to spend the rest of the night in her room, I finally broke down. I ripped my workshop apart while Seth watched quietly from the corner. He stood there, letting me vent my frustration until I tried to grab the stripped-down engine that was perched on cinder blocks. He grabbed my arms roughly from behind and restrained me as I thrashed violently against him._

"_Jake, dude, chill," he urged in my ear. "Destroying everything in here isn't gonna change anything. You'll just have to replace everything you've broken."_

_I stopped resisting his restraint, but my body was still rigid and livid. "Fuck!" I spat out, angry tears welling in the corners of my eyes. "Everything's such a fucking mess. Rebecca and Rachel are off at college, they have no fucking clue how bad it is and my dad refuses to tell them the truth. He's in total denial too, sitting there with that idiotic smile on his face all day. And Bella-" I took a deep, shuddering breath, trying to calm myself, "Bella just has this completely lost look all the time. Her heart is breaking and it's breaking my heart and there isn't a fucking thing I can do about it!"_

"_Jake." Seth's voice was calm and level. I could feel it soothing the edges of my pain already. "There _is_ a fucking thing you can do about it."_

_He released me from his grip and I turned to face him. We had gone through equal growth spurts and our eyes were almost perfectly level, although I always insisted that I was an inch taller. I had never seen this look on his face before. His eyes were soft and melty. His jaw was set, his brow serious._

"_How the _fuck_ can you say that?" I demanded, balling my fists at my sides obstinately._

_He placed his hands firmly on my shoulders, his warm touch dragging me back to reality. "You can make the most of it," he said in a tone so serious in almost made me laugh._

"_You sound like a fucking after school special."_

"_Just hear me out," he urged. "Sure, you can spend your time being angry and resentful. You can blame Billy for playing it down, or your sisters for not being here, or the cancer for…" he swallowed, "for causing this fucked up mess. Or, you can spend your time supporting Billy, and being there for your mom. This doesn't have to be a horrible time. It could be the one time in your life that you were really close to your parents."_

_I stubbornly wanted to disagree with him. I wanted to make some offhand comment to dismiss it- anything to make what he said sound less sensible in my mind. But he was looking at me with the most genuine compassion and sincerity I had ever seen and I couldn't brush it off. I was trying, believe me, I was trying really hard to see the flaw in his plan, but it struck me right in the gut. The angry tears from before were still welling in the corners of my eyes and I was suddenly intensely aware of the stinging sensation behind them._

Oh, hell no, you're not gonna cry right now_, I ordered myself. But I was clearly beyond listening to my own demands as I felt a single traitor-tear leave a wet streak down my cheek. Seth's expression changed almost imperceptibly as he brushed the moisture away with his thumb before pulling me roughly to him. He hugged me so tight I almost felt like he was crushing me, but it felt good. It felt good to be held and the tears that were now shamelessly accompanying my quiet sobs felt good, too._

_In that moment, I let myself go so completely and Seth just accepted it wordlessly, with no judgment. He held me until my tears dried up, after which we clapped each other awkwardly on the shoulder, reality settling in on our private moment._

I counted myself lucky that I had already discovered the meaning of unconditional love so early in life. Seth had been a quiet crutch for both Bella and me during my mother's illness. Even after my mom had died and Bella and I had started dating, Seth had taken the change in his stride, as he did with all things in life.

Surprisingly, my being in a romantic relationship with Bella hadn't changed the dynamic of our friendship all that much. We still spent most of our free time together, although Seth called time-outs when Bella and I got too handsy for his taste. Sometimes we got handsy on purpose to get him to leave so we could be horny teenagers in peace. I kind of missed those days. Back then I wanted to stick my dick in any orifice I could find. That flame had quietly fizzled between me and Bella, but I guess that's what happened when you had been with the same person for almost a decade.

The only knock our friendship ever took was after Seth had told us he was gay. Okay, so he hadn't told us as much as Bella and I had walked in on him making out with a boy from our Spanish class at a party early in our senior year.

I hadn't taken it as well as Bella, who was thrilled to have a gay best friend. She was going through a Will and Grace phase and had glamorized the notion of being gay. I, on the other hand, had felt betrayed and lied to. How could my best friend in the world have kept his biggest secret in the world from me? I had refused to speak to him for weeks after that, until it became all too clear how unglamorous it actually was to be gay in the real world.

_**2002**_

_Some kids on the rez had found out about the incident with Seth at the party and decided to "beat the gay out of him," as they so articulately put it. I went into one of the most wild, uncontrolled rages of my entire life when the news reached me that Seth was laid up in bed with two cracked ribs and a broken jaw. _

_I drove my motorcycle at full speed to the abandoned old barn where their whole gang used to hang out, and beat the shit out of all three stoner assholes._

_Afterwards, I unthinkingly grabbed a stack of old comics and went to Seth's house to find him sitting in his bed, staring blankly out the window._

_His jaw was swollen and wired shut, he had a black eye and his torso was bandaged. But worse than that, he looked numb- cold and hard. I had never seen his normally warm brown eyes look this icy. It sliced at my insides._

_I swallowed heavily and started to chatter in an attempt to avoid the reality of the situation. "So, I found these while I was cleaning out the attic," I began, putting the stack of comics on his bedside table. "I found a bunch of old action figures, too. It reminded me of that summer we got Bella into X-Men. Remember? She took some bleach and tried to put a blonde streak in her hair, like Rogue? But then it came out yellow… and then it turned green." I knew I was rambling. My awkward chuckle hung in the air, amplifying the stark silence from his side of the room. _

_He wasn't smiling. But then again, his jaw was wired shut, so I guess I was expecting too much._

"_What are you doing here, Jake?" he hissed through his forcibly clenched teeth. I winced, both at his harsh tone and his strained words. Anger started to rise in my chest again. I wanted to march right back there and kick the shit out of those fuckers all over again. They had ruined my best friend and my heart ached because of it._

"_I thought you might need some reading material." I shrugged, but the lame tone of my voice negated any nonchalance I was trying to get across._

_He raised an eyebrow at me. He was clearly unconvinced and unimpressed._

_I sighed, unsure of whether I was ready for this conversation, but knowing it was unavoidable. "Can't a guy go to visit his best friend without interrogation?" My last attempt at serious conversation avoidance._

"_You haven't spoken to me in two weeks," he stated bluntly. His eyes were still dead._

"_I'm speaking to you now," I offered hopefully._

"_Why?"_

"_I…" _

_I didn't know how to form the sentence. It was on the tip of my tongue, but I just couldn't seem to push if over the edge._

"_What?" Seth barked, wincing and rubbing his swollen jaw immediately after._

"_I was wrong," I said simply._

_He didn't respond. He wasn't going to let me off easily._

"_I was a giant asshole. I was unfair to you. I had no right to be angry at you. I'm sorry."_

_He sat up abruptly, clenching the sheets at his sides. "You got that fucking right. How the fuck can you judge me for being the way I am? Fuck you, Jake. _Fuck you. _I had no idea you were such a fucking bigot."_

_His words shamed me.. I couldn't blame him for getting the wrong impression when I had acted so irrationally. I felt my throat beginning to burn with emotion as I took him in, his eyes flashing in rage, his words so much more severe through the restraint of the wires around his jaw._

"_That's not what it's about."_

"_Don't lie for my benefit," he spat back._

"_It's not!" I cried out indignantly. "It doesn't matter to me if you like guys or girls or midgets or llamas!"_

_My last comment had chipped the first bit of stone away from his stoic features. "Llamas? Seriously? That's what you're going with?" he asked incredulously._

_I rolled my eyes dramatically. "My _point_ is," I continued stubbornly, "that who you like doesn't change who you are. That isn't why I was angry."_

"_Why, then?" he asked, frowning._

"_Because you didn't tell me," I stated simply._

_That seemed to silence him. His features softened as his mind seemed to process my confession. I stared down at my beaten up sneakers and torn jeans. There were specks of blood on my thighs from the earlier fight. The knuckles on my right hand were cracked and swollen, caked with dried blood._

_Seth seemed to notice it at the same moment I did. "What happened?"_

"_Nothing," I mumbled._

"_Did you beat someone up?" he demanded, leaning forward in his bed and clutching his bandaged ribs when he leaned over too far._

_I simply nodded. I raised my eyes to meet his and he instantly understood._

"_You… beat up… _them_?" he stammered._

_I nodded again, fingering the frayed edges of the hole on my knee._

_After another moment Seth broke the thick silence between us. "Charlie's gonna kill you -- after Billy kicks your ass and Bella bites your head off."_

"_I know," I responded with a wry smile._

"_Thanks." _

_It was simple but powerful. One word was enough to heal our wounded friendship._

If I hadn't been dating the police chief's daughter, things probably would've ended worse for me. But given the situation with Seth and the fact that no one really believed that I had taken the three of them myself, I was sent to an anger management seminar while those filthy hatemongers were sentenced to way less community service than they deserved.

"…and here they stand today- two successful, bright young professionals, ready to embark on their brand new lives as man and wife."

I hadn't heard a word of anything Reverend Weber had said for the past few minutes. My head was spinning and I felt faint from the heat. My thoughts were rampant, flashing to random memories from my childhood. I swallowed heavily. How could a person's mind not be completely present at their own wedding? I hadn't done this before, obviously, but I was pretty sure that you were supposed to feel happy, excited butterflies… not what I could only assume to be a swarm of bats attacking my gut from the inside. I felt like I was going to be sick.

Since the moment I woke up this morning, something felt off. Honestly, things had been feeling off for weeks, ever since our wedding plans had started to become a wedding reality, I had been on the verge of vomiting almost constantly, and when you piled on a heap of guilt over feeling this way, you got to the state I was in. I barely ate anything. I hadn't slept well in weeks. Alice, to my horror, had to apply make up to the darkened shadows under my eyes that morning to conceal my zombie-like appearance.

Things had been tense between Bella and me as well. We hadn't been fighting as much as we had been bickering and snapping at each other. I had heard that weddings put a strain on relationships, but I thought that was supposed to disappear when you saw your bride standing at the bottom of the aisle? Not me. The moment Bella had appeared at the edge of the carpet that had been rolled out over the grass between the two groups of seats, looking more beautiful than I had seen her, my heart had dropped out of my chest.

All I could think was: _wrong._

And I knew exactly why it felt wrong. My subconscious had been trying to suppress it, but even my flagrant denial wasn't going to make it go away. My constant feeling of doom as the wedding approached had been vague until two nights ago. Until two nights ago, I could've easily told myself that I was being irrational and unreasonable- normal pre-wedding jitters. Until two nights ago, I had myself convinced that Bella was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

I was wrong.

_**Two nights before**_

_I sat perched atop a rickety old bar stool next to Seth, staring down the spout of my empty beer bottle. I was trying my best to even pretend to be enjoying my bachelor party, but Seth saw right through me. I felt like a horrible, traitorous friend after he had gone to the trouble of getting us backstage passes to a Killers concert, courtesy of his work contacts. I suspected that the concert had been amazing. My body was on auto pilot, transporting me to where I needed to be, but my mind… Well, I had no fucking clue where my mind was._

"_You're worrying me," Seth announced, his voice invading my troubled mind._

_I peered to my right to find him leaning back against the bar, beer in hand, eyeing me with an expression that combined worry and suspicion in a way only Seth could pull off without looking ridiculous._

"_What?" I mumbled, gesturing to the bartender for a refill._

"_You haven't been Jake for weeks," he complained. "Months," he corrected himself._

"_Planning a wedding is stressful," I regurgitated my standard generic explanation on cue._

"_Yeah, I'm sure Alice and Bella are stressed out of their minds," he retorted sarcastically, "but you don't have the same excuse. You aren't doing a thing except writing checks and nodding in all the right places."_

"_Carpal tunnel and whiplash," I joked lightly, attempting play the conversation down._

"_Jacob." His serious tone made my head snap towards him involuntarily. The first, last and only time he had called me Jacob, was when he had come to tell me that Billy had phoned from the hospital to let us know my mom had died. He had to be incredibly concerned to be addressing me this way._

_I remained silent, but couldn't tear myself away from his searching eyes. My rational mind told me to look away, to close my eyes, to hide the truth from him. But my subconscious wanted him to find out, needed him to know._

_He reached his hand out to touch my cheek, but withdrew it a moment later, clearly thinking better of it and resting his hand on the bar instead. "Tell me," he pleaded._

_I attempted to swallow but the muscles of my throat seemed to be paralyzed. I took a deep breath, and with all the conviction I could muster said, "Nothing to tell."_

_Seth was undeterred. "We promised."_

_He was referring to the promise we had made to each other after our one and only fight, to always be honest with each other, no limits, no judgment, no consequences. My heart was burning, screaming to tell him, to admit it all, but my teeth stayed firmly clamped. I said nothing._

_He stood up next to me and put his hand on my shoulder, nudging me towards him. I relented and turned to face him. He took my head firmly in his hands, resting his forearms on my shoulders. "Whenever you're ready, your best man will be here." He pressed his forehead to mine softly and whispered, "I love you, you silly llama."_

_He would never let me forget that one._

_I cracked a smile despite myself, feeling the relaxing warmth of being near Seth seep through me. I gave in to it, pulling him into a crushing hug with a sigh and squeezing my eyes shut tightly. I was about to let it last the allowed three seconds before clapping him on the shoulder and pulling away, but his lean, muscular body felt comforting against mine and I couldn't bring myself to release him. _

_He didn't make a move to pull back either. Instead, he gripped the back of my neck with his warm hand and pulled me closer. I breathed him in deeply. His woodsy scent had to be some kind of tranquilizer, because the fluttering in my gut calmed for the first time since it had appeared. It felt so good. I couldn't imagine letting go, but I did, although I wasn't sure why. My cheek brushed against his as he released me, followed by a strange tingling sensation that I told myself had to be his stubble._

_His brown eyes were softer than I was used to, more milk chocolate than dark. I recognized it, though, because I had seen that affection in his eyes many times before, if only for a split second. This time it felt like it meant something more, but my mind didn't have time to process it before Seth turned to grab his beer from behind him. He clinked it against mine that was waiting on the bar, and the tenderness instantly disappeared._

I couldn't stop thinking about it since then, the feelings and sensations and smells and the thoughts that were getting too loud to ignore any longer. It wasn't a good place to be in before your nuptials. Every moment my brain wasn't occupied with arrangements for the wedding, it drifted back to that night, and every moment my brain _was _occupied, the latent thoughts floated very close to the surface. I fought against them every moment. It had to be a reaction to the wedding stress, there was no other explanation. You don't just live your whole life one way and then suddenly change it in one moment of indecision. There was just no way that was possible… unless it wasn't just that one moment. Unless it had been a build up of years of suppressed moments…

"Bella and Jacob have prepared a set of vows which I will read out loud."

I had completely forgotten about the vows that Bella and I had worked on weeks before. My mind had been in such a haze for so long, just going along with everyone, not even attempting to be an active participant in my own life. I could barely remember what we had decided on, but I was about to find out. I sickened myself. How could I be about to commit myself to this woman for eternity if I couldn't even recall our vows?

"Bella, listen to these vows, and answer truthfully when I ask you to do so," Reverend Weber instructed and Bella nodded solemnly.

"Do you, Isabella Marie Swan, choose Jacob Black as your best friend, your love for life? Do you promise to give him the best of yourself and to ask of him no more than he can give? Do you promise to accept him the way he is and to respect him as a person with his own interests, desires, and needs, and to realize that those are sometimes different, but no less important than your own? Do you promise to remain faithful to him for better or worse, in times of sickness and health, in good times as well as bad, until death finally parts you?"

My heart was hammering in my chest in a way I had never experienced before. There was a high pitched screeching in my ears and all I could see in my mind were images of my future with Bella as my wife.

I imagined our marriage to be a continuation of our current situation: cohabitation. Sure, we laughed and joked. It was comfortable and familiar, but it was like we had been married for fifty years, not engaged for one. There was no passion or excitement, or even any kind of want. I didn't expect it to be like it was when we had just gotten together all those years ago, but I was sure that there still had to be some kind of desire for one another.

Instead, we were like roommates who just happened to share a bed. I could barely remember the last time we had slept together. I couldn't even remember the last time we had touched each other in a way that was sensual, much less sexual.

When Bella looked at me lately, all I could see was some kind of numb complacency. It was like getting the air punched out of me every time. It felt like Bella and I had resigned ourselves to a life together- we hadn't chosen it. Being with the same person for so long was very dangerous, because every moment more you spent with them seemed to be another moment that made it more impossible to live without them. And it wasn't because of love or desire or choice, it was because you didn't know any different or any better.

My mind flashed to milk chocolate eyes, to warmth and tranquility, to desire. A desire I hadn't allowed myself to acknowledge for years. Because, if I was being entirely honest with myself, I had acknowledged it once before, when I was 16 years old, lying in bed, stroking myself and thinking about the strong arms wrapped around me, comforting me when I needed it most. I had allowed myself that one night of acknowledgement and never again.

Until two nights ago, when it came exploding to the surface.

The constant guilt of this realization was burning through me, consuming me. How could I stand here and pledge my eternal commitment to my best friend, when I knew that a life together wouldn't make either of us happy, when I knew every fiber of my being was aching to be with someone else?

But how could I let a relationship that spanned all of our adult lives go to waste? How could I disappoint all the friends and family who were sitting behind us, dabbing their wet cheeks, smiling innocently at our "beautiful love".

How could I vow to Bella that I would give the best of myself to her, when I knew I wasn't capable of it?

I was a coward. I was a jerk. I was a horrible human being. I was a sick fucking bastard who was having delusions in a moment of doubt.

Bella spoke softly, "I promise."

Her voice was trembling with emotion and I could see another tear rolling down her cheek. My heart was crumbling at the sight of it. How could I destroy our relationship? How could I destroy my best friend, my only lover? How could I steal away her life, her youth, her chance at happiness with someone else? Could I truly be this cowardly? Could I keep my mouth shut and let the rest of my life just happen to me without having a choice in the matter?

"Please repeat after me, Bella," Reverend Weber said. "Jacob, you are my best friend and I will love and respect you always. All these things I give to you today, and all the days of our life."

Bella paused for a moment, sucking in a shaky breath and glancing over at me. When her eyes met mine, I felt sheer terror. It seemed that she was looking to me for some sort of confirmation and encouragement. Her eyes were wide and stormy, her bottom lip was trembling and her hand that was still nestled in mine was quivering beneath my grasp.

Her eyes were pleading, tugging at the edges of my troubled heart, but I couldn't bring myself to make any kind of movement or gesture of reassurance. I couldn't betray her like this. I couldn't make her throw her life away for me, when I knew in my heart that, no matter how deeply I had kept it buried for how long, I didn't love her like I should. I didn't love her in the way a man should love a woman. I loved her more than almost anyone else on this earth, but I didn't love her as my lover.

Bella shot me a quizzical frown, seeming to give up on her quest to gather reassurance from me, speaking quietly, "Jacob, you are my best friend and I will love and respect you always." Her voice cracked with emotion and I felt my own tears start to spill. "All these things I give to you today, and all the days of our life."

She was squeezing my hands tighter than I had ever felt, seemingly pouring all her strength and conviction into her words, almost like she was trying to convince herself, too.

Reverend Weber cleared his throat. "Jacob, please repeat after me. Bella, you are my best friend and I will love and respect you always. All these things I give to you today, and all the days of our life." I jerked my head towards him abruptly, panic assaulting my consciousness from every direction.

_You can't do this, you can't do this_, I quietly screamed to myself.

I looked down at Bella, whose eyes were sparkling with tears and anticipation. A fresh wave of nausea washed over me. I wasn't sure for how long I had known it, but it was now spilling from my subconscious into my conscious mind and I couldn't deny it one moment more.

The reality was, that I was standing in front of the altar, on my wedding day, between my best friend and the love of my life, but I wasn't marrying the love of my life, and I knew it was wrong. It was wrong for both of us.

The realization exploded in my mind. It was like being vaguely aware that a dam was about to burst and drowning in the deadly flow of the water when it finally did.

I was completely surprised when my decision managed to struggle its way through the chaos in my mind.

I knew exactly what I needed to do.

"Bella," I began, my voice trembling audibly, tears streaming down my face, "you are my best friend and I will always love and respect you." I took a deep breath, begging her with my eyes to believe me, to accept my words as the truth, which I knew they were. "But I can't marry you."

The crowd behind us gasped in unison. Bella's hands dropped from my grasp and she stumbled back a step. I couldn't gauge her expression. I saw hurt and anger and humiliation, but there was something more, bubbling beneath the surface.

"What?" Bella stammered. "I don't understand?"

"I…" I couldn't bring myself to say anything more. The frantic whispers behind us were overwhelming me and I could barely see through my tears. I took a step towards Bella, whose mouth was agape, her own tears flowing silently down her cheeks. "I'm sorry," I mouthed to her.

I didn't know where I was going, I just knew I had to get out of there. I turned and felt a strong hand on my arm. I didn't trust myself to look at Seth. I could only deal with one emotional turmoil at a time, and right now, running out of my own wedding was it. Being in love with my best friend would have to wait for now.

I jerked my hand from his grasp and ran back down the aisle, not letting my eyes focus on anything or anyone. I knew I didn't have car keys, so I just kept on running, veering down a trail that I knew led down to the beach. I stumbled as I ran, my suit getting caught on branches on the way down the steep trail.

When I reached the soft sand of the beach, I took my shoes off mid-run, discarding my jacket and tie in the process as well. I felt like I was suffocating in my clothes and I tore my shirt open, hoping that the air rushing past me as I ran would cool me down. I kept running down the beach, my feet guiding me towards a place I didn't recognize until I was there. I clambered over the slippery boulders to a secluded place I hadn't been in years, the spray of the crashing waves bringing me the cooling relief I needed.

My heart stuttered slightly as I took in the startlingly familiar surroundings. I had been there dozens of times before, the last time being the day of my mother's funeral. It was nothing more than a small patch of grass nestled between a few tall boulders at the very edge of the beach, but it held many memories for me. Bella, Seth and I always came here to hide when we were young. Sometimes together, sometimes alone, but it worked without fail. No one ever found us there unless we wanted to be found.

I sank back against the ragged side of the huge rock, settling down to the soft grass below. The waves roared on either side of me, but never reached me. I took a deep breath, buried my face in my hands and started to cry. Only, I wouldn't call it crying so much as sobbing. The horrified look on Bella's face was burned into the back of my eyelids. I had never seen her look so hurt and confused in the almost two decades that I had known her. I ripped at my insides to know I had caused that much anguish to someone I loved so much.

I felt like a rotten bastard for just leaving her there without an explanation, but I couldn't stay there a moment longer knowing what I knew. I hoped that Bella would give me the opportunity to explain myself once we'd all calmed down.

I knew I had done the right thing. Bella deserved to be spared the pain of a divorce, which was where we surely would've been heading if we had gone through with things. Even more so, we both deserved to be spared the pain of bringing children into an unhappy relationship.

_You did the right thing,_ I chanted over and over in my head.

"You did do the right thing." Seth's voice startled me. I didn't realize that I had been talking out loud. It took a moment to register that he was actually there with me. I felt him settle down on the grass next to me. He didn't say anything further.

I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand and asked, "How did you know where to find me?"

"How could I not know you'd come here?"

Of course Seth would know. He always knew. He even knew the things that I wouldn't admit to myself. I swallowed heavily, thinking of the thing I was finally admitting to myself. I seriously doubted whether he could know that.

We sat there silently for a moment before my mind filtered through what he had said initially. "How do you know I did the right thing?"

"Jake, you and Bella are my best friends, but you're also each other's best friends. I've seen the way you look at each other. Sure, there's a lot of love there, but it doesn't translate beyond friendship. It hasn't for a very long time."

His matter-of-fact tone rattled me. I didn't know it was that obvious. "You could've told me sooner," I deadpanned.

"It wasn't my place to judge. You make your own choices on how you want to live your lives. If you could live with it, I wasn't going to mess with it."

I hadn't looked at him yet. I knew that if I did, it would make it real. His warmth next to me and his soothing voice was intoxicating me, cutting through my pain and shock and comforting me without even touching me.

But despite finally admitting my feelings to myself, I was still scared. I had just ruined one friendship and I wasn't sure whether I was ready to destroy another. Seth had never given me any indication that he felt anything more than friendship for me. We had shared a dorm room for 3 years and an apartment for another 2, and he had never so much looked at me while I was getting dressed. Not that I knew of anyway.

"Is Bella okay?" I asked quietly, staring down at my hands.

"Hell no," Seth replied, making me wince. "She's definitely in shock. When Angela led her back to the car she was kinda just staring into space."

"What a fucking mess," I muttered.

"Realizing sooner definitely would've worked better," Seth agreed, a playful tone in his voice.

"Can we just stay here until someone else creates a bigger scandal and forgets about the runaway groom?" I joked lamely.

"I'm not going anywhere unless you make me. You need someone to keep an eye on you. Who knows where you'll run to next?" He nudged my shoulder with his, leaving a tingling sensation behind.

We sat in silence for several minutes. Seth had always known exactly what I needed. He shut up when I needed to vent and gave advice when I needed solutions. Although I would never be as intuitive as he was, I tried my best to give him what he needed, too. He never went into detail, but he felt comfortable enough to tell me about his relationships in general, though there weren't very many of them. While Seth was very open about his sexual orientation, he was still conservative. I had listened to him complain numerous times about how he wanted a meaningful, loving relationship, while the greater gay community just wanted to whore around. It frustrated his romantic soul, which in turn frustrated me, because I wanted to see my best friend happy.

I finally found the courage to glance sideways at Seth. My heart jumped slightly as I took him in, pulling at the grass below him, seemingly distracted. His dark, shaggy hair brushed softly against his golden brown cheeks. His strong jaw was clean-shaven for once, a change from the normal scruff he sported. A slight frown creased his brow and his full lips were drawn into a slight pout of concentration.

I had never allowed myself to examine him in this way.

He was beautiful.

He caught me staring from the corner of his eye and his milk chocolate gaze met mine a moment later. He studied me intently for a moment before saying, "Bella will forgive you, Jake. You did the best thing for both of you. She may not know it now, but she will eventually."

"I hope you're right." I smiled a wry smile.

"Are you kidding me? I'm always right." He flashed a grin at me full on and my heart leapt again. All I wanted was to reach out and touch him. Having denied my thoughts and feelings for so long, I suddenly felt that I couldn't go another moment without him. I knew instinctively that being near to him would soothe my pain. I knew I was being selfish, but the reckless urge to make myself feel better hit me out of nowhere. Without another thought I reached my hand out to touch his arm.

"Seth, I-" I started but a raindrop suddenly collided with my nose, interrupting me.

"I know you wanted to hide out here, but can we hide out somewhere that isn't going to be flooded in five minutes?" he asked jokingly, pushing himself up from the grass. He stretched out to his full height and I noticed that he wasn't wearing his jacket or shoes either. His tie hung loosely around his next and the top few buttons of his shirt were undone. My breath hitched as I let my eyes travel up his lean, muscular legs, to the shirt that clung slightly to his arms.

I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to get some kind of grip on reality. It was like the floodgates had opened. Once I allowed myself to think of Seth in this way, I couldn't stop. It was like seeing him for the first time and it was enthralling. I couldn't tear my eyes off of him.

He reached out his hand to me and I took it, letting him pull me up from my sitting position. I rose to my feet, meeting his eyes full on and not letting go of his hand, burning in mine. He wasn't letting go either, even though the raindrops were starting to splash down insistently. We just stood there, refusing to look away or move an inch.

"Seth," I finally whispered. His lips were inches from mine.

"Yeah," he replied, his warm breath tickling my face.

"I…" I hesitated, unsure of whether I could find the right words to express what I was feeling. I felt equally terrified and insolent, but it was all overshadowed by the overwhelming urge I felt to just press my lips to Seth's perfectly soft mouth.

It wasn't a conscious action, but the next moment my lips were on his and I was on fire. It was exploding out of me, years and years of denial and pent up frustration. I wanted him, needed him, had to have all of him.

He stiffened beneath my grasp and my heart suddenly plummeted.

_He doesn't feel the same._ It echoed tauntingly in my mind.

I pulled away abruptly, mumbling an apology. I couldn't believe I had fucked this one up, too.

"What are you doing?" Seth demanded incredulously.

I was about to make some kind of lame excuse about being confused and in shock, but my rational mind was refusing to let me. I hadn't come to this point of acknowledgement and acceptance just to chicken out the first chance I got.

"I'm doing what I should've done eight years ago."

His eyes grew wide but he didn't say anything. The rain was now falling relentlessly, soaking us through, but neither of us moved.

"I wish I could go back and tell that fucking scared little teenager to be as brave as his best friend, to speak the fuck up and not bury it so deep that he could barely find it again eight years later."

"Jake, what are you saying?" he asked hesitantly.

"I'm saying that it's you," I said, taking his face in my hands. "It's always been you, but I was just too fucked up to admit it." I took one last determined breath, gripping his face tighter still. "I've wasted all of my adult life not being with you and I can't waste another minute. It's okay if you don't feel the same, but you should know, I love you, Seth. I _want you_."

Raindrops were streaming down his face causing his dark hair to fall into his eyes. He seemed to let out the breath he was holding and crashed his lips down onto mine forcefully. I dug my hands into his hair and pushed my body flush against his, feeling like I would pass out from the incredible sensation of his arms pulling me towards him and his tongue sinking into my mouth. I had never experienced anything like it. It was like every nerve ending in my body was igniting with pleasure. I couldn't get enough of him. His mouth was insistent on mine, our tongues fighting feverishly.

He pushed me back into the rock roughly and I could feel his hard length against my thigh, which in turn caused me to grow even harder against him. We were gasping for air, tugging and clawing at each other, when he pulled back abruptly.

"Eight fucking years," he gasped, "you've been keeping this from me _for eight fucking years_?"

"Believe me, if I'd known, I wouldn't have waited so long," I wheezed back.

He brought his mouth to me again, sweeping his tongue across mine teasingly before placing a softer kiss on my lips and resting his forehead against mine. "I always thought I'd just have to keep looking until I found someone who could compare to you," he whispered against my lips. "I never thought I'd actually have _you_." I tasted salt on my lips and realized that his own warm tears had started to mingle with the rain.

"You… feel it too?" I stammered, my heart soaring with hope.

"It's always been you, too."

I brushed my lips to his softly before whispering, "Is it too soon to say perfect?"

"Never."


	2. Month Three

**A/N:** As promised, an epilogue (although it's probably way too long to be called an epilogue, but that's the best word I could come up with). Thank you so much to everyone who read, reviewed, favorited and voted in the Slash Backslash contest. This story is very close to my heart and your response has made my first attempt at writing slash an incredibly rewarding experience.

There's a playlist that goes with the story. You can find the link on my profile page.

My undying love to **Hopeful Wager** for magical beta skills, **einfach mich **for lessons in the ways of the buttsecks, **Sweet Dulcinea** for giving this the final once over and snuggling me when I needed it, and my wonderful friends who are always just an IM away when I need them.

**Warning:** This chapter contains some graphic boy-on-boy situations. But hopefully you won't be complaining about it too much ;)

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer created the Twi. I'm just having my way with her beautiful boys.

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**Month Three

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Three months.

That's how long it had been since I had stormed out on my own wedding, on Bella, and into Seth's arms.

My Seth.

As perfect as the moment I had confessed my love to him had been, I had no idea what was waiting for me when I stepped out of that bubble and back into the real world.

It had been one perfect fucking mess, that's for sure.

_**3 months earlier**_

_Seth and I returned to my and Bella's apartment hours later, expecting to find chaos and destruction, the signs of an angry woman, strewn throughout. What we found chilled me even more._

_Perfect order._

_Not a thing out of place. Everything exactly as I had left it, better even, except for one thing: Bella wasn't there. Nothing of her was left in the apartment. Her clothes and jewelry, the portraits she had brought, the old afghan her grandmother had knitted for her when she was still a kid, all gone._

_It was like some kind of weird clearance sale: Everything Bella Must Go._

_I collapsed onto the couch, still in my partially-rain-drenched tuxedo, clutching my hair in my hands. This was really bad. I could handle screaming and crying. I could handle her throwing my things out the front door, or even throwing them at me. But absence was something I hadn't anticipated and couldn't contend with._

_I was an utter fucking idiot. What had I thought? That I would come strolling through the front door and Bella would be waiting for me with open arms and forgiveness in tow? I had left her at the altar, in front of everyone that mattered in her life, without so much as an explanation. And I suspected that if she knew what the actual explanation was, it wouldn't comfort her at all._

_I had come home with every intention of telling Bella the absolute truth because I knew I owed her that much. I was willing to take any repercussions of my actions. And now, sitting in the suddenly-lifeless apartment we had shared for a year, I wished for those repercussions. _

_The aching in my chest that had been soothed by the rain and Seth's warm lips on mine was returning even stronger than before. The stark reality started to set in. _

_It was over._

_I felt the sofa cushion move as Seth sat down beside me, followed by a rustling sound as he pushed a piece of paper onto my lap. I removed my hands from my hair and took the note gingerly. I recognized Bella's unruly scrawl immediately._

_**Jake,**_

_**Yes, I left. I can't be here anymore.**_

_**Don't try to contact me. I don't want to hear from you. **_

_**I'll come to you when I'm ready.**_

_**If I'm ever ready.**_

_**Bella**_

_I sat there, staring at the crisp white page incredulously. Bella and I had been in fights before - plenty of fights, since we both had tempers about us - but we always managed to resolve them before things got out of hand. We rarely gave each other the silent treatment, so this was very new to me._

_**If I'm ever ready.**_

_The words started to blur in front of my eyes, whether from exhaustion or frustration. I took a deep breath that shook my entire body. Seth's strong arm folded around me and pulled me close. I rested my head in the crook of his neck, feeling his proximity start to pacify me immediately._

"_No one can know before Bella does," I whispered._

"_I know," Seth replied._

We decided to keep our relationship a secret, which probably wasn't the best way to start things out, but in a way it was a blessing in disguise. We could settle into our new relationship without scrutiny or judgment. People expected me to be distant and anti-social after the "Big Bolt of '09", as it had since been dubbed, so Seth and I got to spend a lot of time alone.

We chose to be at his apartment most of the time, because mine held too many memories. I felt trapped there at night, trying to sleep in the bed that Bella and I had shared. I wasn't sure if it was because she wasn't there with me or because I just wanted to be in _another_ bed, but I started sleeping on the couch because I couldn't stand being in our bed anymore. Seth and I didn't talk about moving in together or any kind of physical relationship. I think we both knew that we weren't ready for such a big step. Until Bella knew about our relationship, we had to act like we always had around each other.

This proved difficult, because our mutual group of friends had been torn in two. It felt like a divorce in which we kept what we had before and divvied up what we had accumulated while we were together. Having been together for almost a decade made this an almost impossible task. I was basically left with a few friends from work, a couple of college buddies, and Seth, although I wasn't really complaining about the last part too much.

Bella refused to talk to Seth, because he had so clearly chosen my side. Although he didn't say anything about it, I could see it made him very sad. He and Bella had been great friends too, and the absence of her in both our lives was difficult to deal with.

Having each other, though, made everything worth it.

I had never experienced anything like it. Every moment that my mind wasn't consumed by the obvious guilt, or day to day things like work or the massive wedding bills I was stuck with, it was consumed by Seth. I was drowning and he was my oxygen tank. Kissing him became as necessary as breathing to me. I constantly yearned for him, even though we both respected the silent boundary that we had put up.

We had settled into a comfortable routine of hanging around his apartment, watching our favorite anime on television, when Bella finally decided she was ready.

_**2 weeks earlier**_

_Seth and I were snuggling (yes, totally snuggling) on the couch at his apartment on a rainy Sunday Seattle night, when we heard a knock at the door. I frowned at Seth, who shrugged his shoulders and untangled himself from me to answer it._

_I listened for the sound of Seth opening the door, not really knowing who to expect at this hour, when I heard a painfully familiar voice._

"_Hey, Seth." It was Bella._

_I could hear muffled whispers as I got up from the sofa and drifted towards the entrance, to find Seth wordlessly hugging Bella at the front door. I stood there, a few feet away from them, not really knowing what to do with myself. I was beyond happy to see Bella after all this time, but nervous because I didn't know whether she had expected to find me with Seth._

_As Seth released her, her eyes suddenly met mine. She froze for a moment, a grimace of pain darkening her features. I cringed under her gaze, but I couldn't make myself look away. This was the girl I had loved for most of my life- still loved- and seeing her now made me feel like we were strangers._

_Seth glanced over his shoulder and saw me and Bella staring at each other in silence. He turned and walked toward me, touching my shoulder tenderly, his eyes full of encouragement and understanding._

"_She's here to see you," he murmured. "I'll be in the other room." _

_Bella and I stood there for a while, staring at each other like we were alien species making first contact. Her chestnut hair was windblown, her cheeks flushed and her eyebrows pinched into a slight frown that made her appear to be in pain. I felt a sharp pang in my chest as I realized she probably was._

"_Hey, Bells." I broke the silence, my voice trembling audibly._

"_Hey, Jake." Bella's voice was so soft I could barely hear it._

"_Wanna sit down?" I gestured towards the sofa._

_She nodded slightly and made her way to an armchair in the corner of the room. She clearly didn't want an intimate couch situation going on. It made me sad._

"_Bella."_

"_Jake."_

_We started talking at the same time. We both laughed nervously. It was a painfully awkward situation, worthy of a sub-primetime TV show._

"_You go first," I offered. I figured it was only fair since she had come to see me._

_She took a deep breath, her narrow shoulders rising with the effort of it. "I'm ready," she said simply._

_I nodded my understanding and took my own deep breath. I had been planning this speech in my mind for weeks, but now that the moment had finally arrived, I felt my breath catch in my throat. I wanted Bella to know- with every fiber of my being- I was aching to share my somewhat warped happiness with my best friend. But I knew that I wouldn't be able to share with Bella as a friend. She was my jilted ex and I owed her an apology and a proper explanation._

"_Bella, I'm so sorry," I began, shifting myself to the edge of the couch so that I could take her hands in mine. I flinched as she pulled them away from me. I closed my eyes for a moment and took another deep, calming breath. I had known this was going to be difficult, so I was just going to have to suck it up and take it as it was dealt to me._

"_Just tell me why," she whispered._

_Just like Bella to cut right to the chase. I hesitated for a moment, all my premeditated words leaving me in a moment of panic. I guess this was the universe's way of telling me to speak from the heart. So I did._

"_I did it because I love you," I started simply._

_She glared up at me, clearly on the verge rolling her eyes at my poor excuse._

_I cringed inwardly and took a deep breath, trying to compose myself before I continued, choosing my words carefully so she would grasp my sincerity._

"_I just couldn't let you waste your life on me anymore, Bella. We would've made each other miserable. You know as well as I do that the last few months of our relationship were awful. We couldn't even _fight_ with passion anymore."_

_Bella continued to glare at me, not moving to say anything in response._

"_I'm so incredibly sorry that I waited to tell you until our wedding day, in front of everyone we knew. I never wanted to hurt you, much less do it in public. I just couldn't stand there and say those vows, knowing I couldn't stay true to them."_

_The mention of vows seemed to stir something inside Bella. She sat back in the chair and leaned her head against the headrest, closing her eyes for a moment. "It's those same vows that made me come here today," Bella said, her eyes still closed._

_I waited quietly for her to continue._

"_I was pretty sure I was never going to talk to you again, Jake. Everyone around me kept telling me how horrible you were and that I was better off without you. I convinced myself that they were right. But I was unpacking some stuff in my new apartment and I found the notebook we wrote our vows in. Do you remember? I promised them on our wedding day. And if you remember correctly, you agreed to them as well."_

"_I remember," I whispered. I had promised to always love and respect Bella, even though I couldn't marry her._

_Bella continued, "I promised to be your best friend. I promised to respect you and accept you. And I promised to stay faithful to you. I promised all those things with every intent of keeping them for the rest of my life. I still do. That's why I'm here now."_

_I swallowed nervously, beginning to understand the implication of Bella's words, but not knowing how they'd play out._

"_Thank you, Jake." Bella's words startled me. I wasn't expecting them at all._

"_What?" I stammered._

"_Thank you for having the guts to say what I couldn't. I was so completely miserable, but I kept telling myself things would get better after we were married, even though I knew they wouldn't. You saved us, Jake."_

_I sprang out of my chair and folded my arms around her. Her tiny frame felt familiar but foreign at the same time. "Oh, Bella, thank God."_

_She chuckled as I continued to crush her in the hug. "I just needed to make sure you did it for the reasons I hoped you did."_

"_You never could miss an opportunity to make me sweat," I mumbled into her hair._

"_I'm sorry I disappeared on you after the wedding, but I'm sure you understand why," Bella said, still clutched in our hug._

"_I deserved way worse," I replied._

_Bella pulled back and stared tenderly into my eyes. "Your execution did leave a lot to be desired."_

_I smiled, relieved that she seemed to be joking again. "I still can't believe you're here. I was so sure you were never going to speak to me again."_

"_I needed my best friends back." She was whispering again, tears sparkling in her eyes. _

_Something in Bella's expression told me that there was something more she wanted to say. I wasn't sure if we were on good enough terms to be sharing, but I got the feeling that whatever she wasn't saying was the reason she came here. I stared at her imploringly for a minute, hoping she'd offer an explanation before I had to ask._

"_Whatever it is, you can tell me," I said eventually._

_Her eyes shot up at mine, surprised. "How did you know?"_

"_You have that whole open book thing going on."_

_She frowned, the inner struggle apparent on her face. "I told myself I wasn't going to say anything. We haven't spoken in months and now I just arrive here unannounced on a Sunday night and expect everything to be cool again."_

"_I don't know about you, but I'd rather be cool again than drag this conversation out much longer when we've both said what we wanted to say. I know how you hate getting wordy and deep."_

"_I really hate it," she admitted, scrunching her face into one of my favorite Bella-expressions._

"_So, tell me already," I urged._

"_I met someone." She looked worried, almost like she was bracing herself for how I was going to react._

_I wasn't entirely sure of how I was reacting myself, but the overwhelming emotion I felt was relief. One of my biggest fears after leaving Bella was that she would be miserable and stubborn and repel all men that tried to get near her._

"_Tell me everything." I wasn't sure when Seth had invited himself into our conversation, but he sat himself down next to me and leaned toward Bella, his eyes twinkling in anticipation._

_I glared at him playfully, a grin spreading across my lips as I shrugged questioningly._

"_What, I'm not allowed to be excited?" he asked with a light laugh._

_I just shook my head at him and urged Bella to continue._

"_Alice dragged me to this art exhibition in the city last month. The artist was some guy she knew from college. We just clicked immediately. He's amazing." _

_Bella's eyes glazed over slightly as she spoke. Only then did I notice the change in her. She seemed relaxed- almost content. I couldn't help but smile at the sight of her so happy._

_Seth cleared his throat, snapping Bella from her obvious reverie. She continued, "His name is Jasper Whitlock."_

"_I've heard of him," Seth interrupted. "He was in the paper for that exhibition."_

"_Yes," Bella continued, "it was so successful he just got commissioned to do some work in New York." Bella started to look uncomfortable._

"_There's more, isn't there?" Seth seemed to be speaking for both of us as I appeared to have lost the power of speech since this part of the conversation had started._

"_I'm going with him."_

_My throat tightened as a rush of different emotions bubbled through me. I was shocked that Bella could be so impulsive as to move to the other end of the continent with a guy she had barely known for a month. But a large part of me was happy that she met someone that made her feel so passionate and reckless that she wanted to follow him that far. I wasn't sure how to respond. I knew, however, that I had to reserve judgment. I didn't have a say in Bella's future in any way and it wasn't my place to tell her what to do with her life._

"_Whoa," was all that Seth managed to get out._

_Bella broke the silence after a few moments. "I know you probably think I'm crazy. I _feel_ a little crazy most of the time. It's just…" She looked like she was having trouble finding words for what she wanted to say. "I feel… alive. I've never felt like this." She glanced at me and her eyes grew wide, her mouth pulling slightly to the side in chagrin. "Sorry Jake."_

_I smiled at her warmly, understanding exactly what she was feeling. Every moment I spent with Seth made me wish for immortality, just so I could be with him forever._

"_No apologies, Bells," I finally managed to say, "I know exactly what you mean." _

_My heart started to hammer in my chest as I realized what I was about to do. I glanced to Seth at my side and saw his expression soften when he realized it, too. I flashed a brief, tender smile at him and turned back to Bella, who was frowning at us._

"_What's going on?" Bella asked suspiciously._

_I took a deep breath to ready myself for my confession. "Bella, I realized something on the day of the wedding. I kind of always knew it, but I didn't admit it to myself until that day." I took Seth's hand in mine. "I'm gay."_

_Bella made a sound that was a strange mixture of a squeak and a snort and her eyes looked like they were going to bulge out of their sockets. "Our… _wedding day?"

_Seth and I nodded in unison._

_She stared in disbelief at Seth's hand clasped in mine, then back up at us. "And… this?" she stammered._

"_We're together," I confirmed. I gauged her reaction for a moment before carrying on. Although she looked shocked, she didn't seem to be completely freaked out, so I decided to continue. "Although, I think _together_ doesn't really cover it." Seth's fingers tightened around my hand._

"_You…" Bella paused, seeming to compose herself. "You're gay." She nodded to herself, her eyebrows pinched into a frown._

"_Both of us," Seth chuckled._

"_Wow, and here I thought I'd bring the most shocking news of the evening." Bella fell back into the armchair, still staring at us._

"_No one else knows," I said, trying to reassure her. "We wanted you to hear from us first."_

"_And if I'd decided to never speak to either of you again?"_

"_I guess we didn't think that one through." I started to laugh and Seth joined me. I felt light and unburdened at having finally shared with Bella what I had wanted to tell her for months. Now that my best friend knew, all seemed right with the world._

"_So, are you two living together now?" Bella really knew how to cut straight to the chase._

"_I'm still staying at our old place," I replied._

"_Why?" Bella seemed confused, clearly having trouble understanding our logic._

"_We… we haven't really talked about that. Things have pretty much been in limbo because we've been keeping this on the down low." _

_Saying it out loud, the whole situation did seem slightly strange. I just couldn't imagine moving on with my life when I wasn't sure that Bella could forgive me, and Seth understood that. _

"_Well, if it's my blessing you're looking for, I guess you have it." _

_I could tell that Bella was still slightly in shock, but she seemed to rise above it._

"_So, you're not weirded out by this?" Seth asked._

"_Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm plenty weirded out," Bella laughed, "but there's no reason for me to fight it. I'm moving on, you're moving on. It'll take time but we'll all get used to it. Eventually."_

Bella had spent the rest of the evening telling us all about Jasper and their plans for New York. Seth and I had listened with interest, happy to see our friend so alive.

After that night, things started to change between me and Seth. Our unspoken boundary seemed to lift with each new person we informed of our relationship. Although we still didn't broadcast it, we did tell the people who were closest to us, all who reacted with varying degrees of shock (and some with horror).

None of that mattered, though, because we found our quiet evenings at home getting less quiet and more… physical. In the greater scheme of things, we were most certainly taking baby steps, but for me, every new interaction seemed like an incredible leap.

We turned into horny teenagers, making out and feeling each other up for hours. The first time Seth put his hand in my pants, I nearly came on the spot. Never in my life had I felt that kind of desire for another human being. I wanted him constantly- wanted his hands on me, his mouth, to feel his firm body pressed against mine.

But even with the desire and the escalating intimacy, we seemed to stop every time before we got to the actual _deed_. I guess, subconsciously I felt like a scared little virgin, which I was, for all intents and purposes. Things had started heating up a few days before, though, when Seth's fingers had ventured into regions they'd never been before. I had been apprehensive at first, but when I had let go of my preconceived notions, I was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed it. I never could've guessed that having his fingers in my ass would feel that amazing. I suspected he was preparing me for things to come, and it silently thrilled me.

All of this led up to today, which was basically our three month anniversary (not that I was counting). I was cooking dinner in Seth's kitchen, which would be my kitchen too, at the end of the month. We had been spending all our free time together and decided that having two apartments was pointless. We were happy, we loved each other, and we wanted to be together. Every passing day just proved it more.

I had taken the afternoon off from work so I could do some grocery shopping and cook a romantic dinner for the two of us. I had always prided myself on being a romantic kind of guy, and I knew that Seth was into that kind of thing, even though he had never found a guy who could give him that in the past. So I had bought some prime fillet, some good red wine, and to my own surprise and amusement, all the candles I could find in Central Seattle. I made sure they weren't scented, though, because we weren't _that_ gay.

I was standing next to the stove, chopping up some vegetables, when I heard the front door open. Seth let out a low whistle as he entered the open plan kitchen and dining room to find the lights slightly dimmed and the Vitamin String Quartet's tribute to Muse humming in the background. I had placed candles on every open surface I could find, and even if I had to say so myself, the place looked pretty fucking romantic.

"What's all this?" Seth asked, stepping in behind me and folding his arms around my waist, the amusement apparent in his tone.

"Can't you tell I'm trying to seduce you?" I replied playfully, turning my head and meeting his lips with mine.

His lips formed a smile against my mouth. He slipped his tongue inside and we both sighed as we got lost in the familiar sensation. He broke our kiss after a few breath-catching moments and started trailing soft kisses down my jaw and neck. All thoughts of dinner had been forgotten as I stood there, the knife discarded, my hands clutching the counter for stability.

"If I knew you were this easy I wouldn't have bothered with dinner," I joked, enjoying the feel of his hands through the thin material of my t-shirt.

"Don't pretend like you were actually going to make dinner when you're wearing _these_ jeans," he said, tugging at the belt loops on my favorite pair of faded 409's that hung low on my hips. I knew that he liked them because all three times I had worn them in the past two weeks had ended with them around my ankles and Seth's mouth on me. Wearing them tonight was definitely a strategic choice.

I pushed back into him and felt that he was already hard against my ass. I drew a sharp breath, feeling myself harden in response. I wanted to take him right there, on the cool tiles of the kitchen floor. The horny teenage boy in me wanted to be the horny teenage boy _in him_. But the romantic in me, the one who was borderline pathetically in love with Seth, the one who had planned this whole romantic evening, was already chastising me in my head, insisting that Seth deserved to be treated special. After all, Seth made me feel special and wanted every moment I spent with him.

I turned around to face Seth and almost lost my resolve when I saw his flushed cheeks and twinkling eyes, but I knew how I wanted the evening to play out. I took his face in my hands and placed a sweet kiss on his lips. "For tonight, let's pretend that you're not willing to jump my bones at a moment's notice, and let me wine and dine you a bit first. Do you think you could do that?" Playful banter was my favorite form of foreplay.

He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest in mock indignation. "You make it sound like I'm a total slut."

I simply raised an eyebrow at him.

"Fine," he conceded, "what can I help with? I need to keep my hands busy." He winked conspiratorially.

"You can pour us some wine while I finish this. Dinner should be ready in a few minutes."

Seth poured us each a glass of wine and sipped at it as he watched me finish grilling the vegetables with the fillet. When I assumed the potatoes were ready, I took them out of the oven and dished everything up as artistically as I could.

When we sat down at the dining room table, I downed half of my wine in one nervous motion, attempting to calm my butterflies. Seth looked at the food and smiled appreciatively before tasting a bite of the steak. The smile started to fade from his face as he chewed.

"What?" I asked warily.

"Nothing," Seth replied mid-chew, "it's good." He smiled weakly, stretching his jaw like he was dealing with taffy instead of fillet.

I wasn't buying his act, so I took a bite of it myself. The steak tasted of charcoal, but with the consistency of rubber. It was nasty, undoubtedly indigestible and probably poisonous to boot. "Holy fuck," I managed to choke out between chews, "this is disgusting."

"Oh, thank God." Seth grabbed a napkin and spit out what was left in his mouth- probably all of it. I did the same, grabbing my glass and rinsing my mouth with the wine.

"That was terrifying." The look of horror on Seth's face was so adorable, I couldn't help but chuckle at him. "What did the poor steak ever do to you, Jake?"

At that, we both burst out laughing, shaking our heads at the ridiculous situation.

"Are we going to try the rest of it?" I asked skeptically.

"Why not?" Seth replied. "Two near-death experiences are probably better than one and apparently adrenaline is good for you."

We both examined our plates carefully. "Carrots or potatoes first?" I asked.

"Let's try the carrots, they _look_ fine."

We each speared a carrot to taste. While it was much more palatable than the steak, it had been grilled in the same pan and had the same vaguely charcoal flavor.

Seth grabbed his wine and took a big swig. "So, it's a 'no' on the carrots, too."

I sighed, refilling my glass and taking another sip of the wine, which was starting to make me feel slightly giddy. I stared down at my plate seriously. "Help me, Obi Spud, you are my only hope."

Seth snorted at my Star Wars reference and my heart swelled with love for him.

We looked each other in the eye, barely containing our laughter. I tried to spear the roasted potato with my fork, but it was so hard, it shot right off my plate and landed on Seth's side of the table with what I could've sworn was a metallic thud.

Seth collapsed into a fit of laughter, burying his face in his arms at the edge of the table. I had joined him without realizing, tears streaming down my face.

"Epic," he wheezed, "epic dinner fail."

"Is it even statistically possible to ruin every item of food in one meal?" I asked, wiping the tears from my cheeks.

"I think you have the culinary version of dividing by zero right here."

"At least we have wine," I offered, raising my glass at him.

"The wine is good," Seth agreed, taking another sip. I noticed that his cheeks were slightly flushed. I wanted to reach out and touch him.

"I bought ice cream for dessert, but I don't know if you want to risk it."

"_You_ are staying away from the kitchen for the rest of forever and _I _will bring the ice cream," Seth insisted, jumping up from his seat before I could protest.

He returned with two bowls of ice cream, still smirking, and set one down in front of me. "This is how you _don't_ give someone food poisoning," he quipped.

I glared at him playfully and tasted a spoonful of ice cream. Mercifully, it seemed to be fit for human consumption. We sat in silence for a few minutes while I sulked over my failed dinner. I couldn't comprehend how I could mess up a simple meal so badly. It wasn't like I hadn't cooked before. I guess in my eagerness to make it a special night, I had overdone things a bit. _Overdone everything, _I thought to myself.

Seth broke the silence eventually. "Despite the fact that you tried to kill us both with your cooking," he began, "it was really great. Definitely one of my top three dinners of all time."

His tone was playful but his eyes were tender. It made my heart jump a little.

"I don't know," I continued to joke, "this one doesn't really even crack my top five."

Seth rose from his chair, his expression gentle although he was grinning. "I think it's time for you to shut the fuck up and get over here so I can kiss the cook."

I obeyed without hesitation, rising to my feet to meet his lips in one swift motion. He parted his lips and I tasted the wine, all chocolate and berries and cloves, as his tongue brushed against mine. He curled his fingers around the back of my neck and pulled me towards him, pushing his body firmly against mine. His kisses were urgent and needful and I found myself breathless immediately.

He pulled away from me abruptly and clasped both his hands behind my neck. "I want you."

My head was already spinning, mostly from the implication of his words, but partially from the wine as well. "I want you, too."

He crashed his lips to mine again and started to steer me backwards, towards the bedroom, which I had also filled with candles. We stumbled a few times, but never broke the kiss. Without warning, I collided with a wall, but Seth seemed undeterred. He buried his face in my neck and pushed his hands up the front of my t-shirt, letting his hands wander over my chest, before pulling the shirt over my head. I started to tug at the buttons of his shirt impatiently, eager to feel his naked skin on mine. When I had undone all the buttons, I pushed the material from his shoulders, letting it fall to the floor.

A moment later his tongue was in my mouth again. We managed the last few steps into the bedroom, kissing and grabbing at each other. When we reached the bed, Seth pushed me down, my knees buckling against the edge. I tugged at his belt and threw it to one side before moving on to his zipper. I yanked his pants and boxers down in one swift motion to reveal his hard dick to me.

I took a moment to appreciate the way his naked body looked in the flickering light of the candles. His skin glowed almost golden, his upper body subtly sculpted and naturally smooth save for the soft, dark hair that trailed down his stomach. His legs were long and lean, but still muscular and strong. My breath caught in my throat. Even though this wasn't the first time I had seen him naked, seeing him before me now, knowing what was certainly ahead of us, made it feel very significant.

I reached out and trailed my hands down his sides, enjoying the way they followed the firm contours of his body. I looked up to him and found him staring back at me, his eyes blazing. "You're perfect," I whispered.

He kneeled down before me, so he was almost eye-level with me and reached his lips toward mine for a tender kiss. "I love you," he murmured against my lips. "I still don't know how I lived without being able to touch you like this."

He unbuttoned my jeans slowly, lovingly, staring at his hands as he worked. When he was done I lay back on the bed and lifted my hips so he could pull them off me, exposing my own throbbing erection to him. He glanced at me, licking his lips, before taking me into his mouth. My eyes rolled back in my head as he started to move over me, the hot moisture already driving me to the verge of coming. I fisted his hair, stilling him for a moment so I could pull myself together. He took a deep breath through his nose that tickled on the exhale. This simple motion made me realize that, although it felt fucking amazing to have Seth pleasure me, I wanted him with me. I wanted to be able to look into his eyes and see his own pleasure reflected in them.

"Hey," I whispered, "get up here."

He pulled away reluctantly and crawled onto the bed next to me. He turned his body toward mine and leaned over me, cupping my face in his hands and kissing me deeply. He dragged his fingers down my neck and chest, reaching my dick and lightly ghosting over me. He curled his fingers around me firmly and whispered in my ear, "I want you inside of me."

Hearing him say those words made me arch my back slightly, urging him to move his hand over me.

He started stroking up and down slowly and continued with the husky whispering. "Do you want that, too?"

"Yes," I managed to croak out, "yes, I want to feel you." I hesitated for a moment, turning my face to him. "But you're going to have to show me…" I trailed off.

He smiled affectionately and replied, "I'll guide you through it." He kissed me firmly before pulling away. "Virgin." He grinned and winked mischievously before starting to rummage in the drawer of his bedside table.

I moved to the middle of the bed, settling in between the pillows, thankful for the wine that had relaxed me, because I was sure that I would've been considerably more nervous without it.

Seth settled in next to me, running his hand through my hair and circling my temple with his thumb. "We'll go slow."

He started to trail wet kisses down my neck, pausing to suck on my nipple and reaching down to stroke me again. I reached out to him, brushing my hands through his hair and over his shoulders, savoring the feeling of his warm skin beneath my fingertips.

He sat down on my thighs, straddling me. He reached over to one side and produced a condom, which he tore open and slowly rolled down onto me. He then reached for a small blue tube and unscrewed the top, squirting the clear gel into his hand. He rubbed his hands together and then over me, covering the condom in the lubricant. He then took one of my hands in his and pulled me up towards him, so we were sitting face to face with him in my lap.

"Give me your hand," he asked quietly.

I held my hand between us and he coated two of my fingers in the lube.

"It works both ways," he said with a wink.

I got the message and reached around him, covering him in lube before pushing first one, then two fingers in and massaging him slowly. I curved my fingers inwards and circled firmly. He gasped and pulled away slightly.

"What?" I asked worriedly. "Am I doing it wrong?"

His eyes were closed but a smile played across his lips that calmed me slightly. "No, it's just too much so soon. Give me a moment." He pressed his forehead to mine and, after composing himself for a moment, he pulled my hand back down.

I captured his lips in mine, and pushed my fingers into him again, more gently this time, mirroring the movements of my tongue with those of my fingers, pulsing my fingers in and out rhythmically.

He started to move against me, digging his fingers into my hair, his chest heaving against mine. "I need you," he breathed, "now."

"I love you so much," I said in between kisses.

"I love you," he echoed. He paused for a moment, staring into my eyes intently. "Ready?"

I simply nodded.

He raised himself onto his knees and positioned himself over me. He rested his elbows on my shoulders and gripped my hair again, bringing us flush against each other, his erection pressing into my stomach. He fixed his eyes on mine, silently communicating the overwhelming love and adoration that he was feeling. I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him towards me and pouring my returned adoration into a wordless kiss. My heart was pounding in my chest, but at the same time I had to force myself to breathe.

Slowly, he started to lower himself down onto me. I groaned into his mouth as he covered me, enveloped me, at an excruciatingly slow pace. He drew a sharp breath, pausing for a moment and biting down on my lip. I held him closer to me, soothing him until he was ready to continue. After another moment he moved again, sighing when he was sheathed in me entirely. I had never experienced intensity like it before- almost too tight, like we couldn't be more joined together. I didn't know how long we sat there, staring at one another reverently, not moving except for the occasional brush of our lips or incoherent whisper. I had never felt so connected to another human being in my entire life. Being inside Seth, feeling him contract around me slightly, was more -so much more- than I could ever have imagined.

Seth finally stirred from our stillness and moved his legs so they were wrapped around me. I pulled my knees up behind him, my thighs pressing against his bare back. The intensity of the slight shift in movement was maddening. Seth moved again, experimentally, and we both groaned in unison. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and started a cautious, rhythmical motion over me, lifting himself up and then lowering himself back down. His strong legs tightened against my sides so that every possible part of our skin was touching. We were moaning quietly and breathing heavily, clutching at each other for stability.

"This is," Seth finally gasped out, "this is… everything."

"Yes," I muttered against his shoulder, tasting the salt of his skin, "you… I… never knew."

He angled his hips slightly and pushed down harder, allowing me deeper access. The sound that escaped his lips was single-handedly the most erotic thing I had ever heard. My cock was starting to ache with want and I urged him on, wanting him to go faster, harder. He dug his fingers into my back and neck, grunting with exertion as he pushed himself down with slightly more force.

The new rhythm started to stir something inside me. It was almost like a distant rumble that was growing louder with every thrust. I was approaching the edge fast, my mind filling with a dizzying haze of sensations and tastes and smells. It was like the room had been saturated with Seth and it intoxicated me.

"I'm so close," Seth breathed in my ear before dragging his tongue across my earlobe and sucking it into his mouth slightly.

His words were like the last push I needed. I reached between us instinctively and took him into my hand. He was already sticky with his own arousal and my hand glided over him easily. I swirled my thumb around his tip and started rubbing up and down his ridge, just like I knew he liked. He started to spasm around me, his cock twitching in my hand at the same time. As he started to come, he contracted around me suddenly, pulling me over the edge with him. I bit down on his shoulder as he cried my name, drawing my release from me like a nuclear explosion. I squeezed my hand around him as he covered me in his own warm, sticky release.

He pushed me down onto my back, pulling himself from me gently and collapsing on his back next to me. We panted quietly for a while, regaining our senses. After a moment I turned onto my side and rested my head in my hand, relishing the way the thin sheen of sweat made his body glisten in the dim light. His eyes were closed and the corners of his mouth were turned up in a contented smile. My heart ached with the beauty of it.

He let out an abrupt, disjointed laugh. "That…" He laughed again and I noticed the moisture running down his cheek wasn't the bead of sweat I had thought at first.

I brushed the tear away with my lips, covering his face in soft kisses.

He opened his eyes and looked at me, his smile widening. "Fuck, that was amazing."

"So, happy tears?" I asked.

He touched his fingertips to my cheek and nodded. "Happy tears."

My own smile spread across my face and I pressed a kiss to his forehead before grabbing a few tissues from the bedside table behind me. I wrapped the condom in one and started to clean Seth off tenderly with another.

"It's… I've never felt anything like that before," he said, as if he was trying to convince me of his sincerity.

"Me neither," I replied dreamily, lying back onto the pillows and pulling him against my chest. He hooked a leg over mine and started to trace light patterns over my chest and stomach with his fingers.

"Even better than anything I ever dreamed up in my mind."

I kissed the top of his hair, inhaling his perfect musk, loving that he was mine. I let my mind drift for a while, enjoying the comfortable silence of our afterglow. I started to become aware of his naked body pressed against me, and how his fingers kept traveling lower, brushing over the soft hair under my bellybutton. My cock started to stir again as his fingers toyed with me and I grew hard again when he wrapped his hand around me. He didn't stroke me with a specific purpose, but his touch and the feel of his own erection pressing into my thigh made my desire flare again.

"Seth," I moaned as he started to suck at the sensitive skin at the base of my neck, "I want you."

"I'm getting there," he growled playfully in my ear.

"No, I mean, I want to try…"

I touched his face to turn him towards me and gave him a pointed look.

"Oh." He looked surprised, but the excitement twinkled in his eyes. "Are you sure?"

I nodded and my voice cracked with emotion when I spoke, "I need to feel what it felt like for you. And need it to be you inside me. I just want to experience every possible thing that I can with you."

He was on me immediately, his tongue in my mouth and his hands everywhere, frantic. "You don't know what it does to me when you say stuff like that."

"I know exactly what it does to you," I replied, pressing my painfully hard dick into his thigh for emphasis.

"And just when I thought I couldn't love you more..."

He took my hands and held them above my head, dragging his fingers along my arms and sides and bringing his mouth to my chest. He licked and sucked at my nipples, just hard enough so it still felt good. His sudden eagerness excited me and sent butterflies flooding into my stomach.

I reached out and grabbed another condom from the drawer, tearing it open with my teeth and rolling it onto him, my hands shaking slightly.

"Excited or scared?" he asked, eyeing my hands with slight amusement.

"Both." I couldn't help but smile, though.

I started to turn to lie on my stomach but he stopped me with a hand on my shoulder. "No, I want to see you."

I rolled onto my back and he settled in between my legs. He found the bottle of lube again and squirted some onto his long, graceful fingers. My eyes didn't leave him as he reached down and started to coat me with the cool liquid. His free hand rested lightly on my thigh as he dipped a finger of his other hand into me. I gasped at the cold and the still-foreign sensation of his finger inside of me.

He smiled and squeezed my thigh, continuing to move inside of me. The awkward feeling grew as he added a second finger, which started to stretch me uncomfortably. It was bordering on too intense. My eyes narrowed slightly at the sensation and he stilled his movements in response.

"Is this okay?" he asked, concerned.

I nodded and gasped out, "Keep going. Just getting used to it."

He started to move again and the stretching became less uncomfortable but no less intense as the rhythm grew more familiar. Seth curled his fingers inwards and I jerked slightly as he grazed an incredibly sensitive spot. The feeling was so fucking intense and concentrated, it was almost too much to handle- my twitching cock was a testament to that.

A satisfied smile pulled at the corners of his mouth. "That look on your face…" he groaned, pumping his fingers with renewed purpose.

"That feels… fuck." My mind was losing its ability to form coherent sentences as he increased the pressure of his fingers, forcing me to get used to the intense pleasure of it.

Seth leaned forward and dragged his tongue along my lips before parting them, his taste making my head swirl again. I was soon lost to the world, my hands exploring every ripple and groove of his body instinctually.

Finally, he drew back and pulled my legs up so my knees pressed into his shoulders. He pushed forward, opening me up to him, positioning himself so his cock was pressed up against me. I took a deep breath, locking my eyes on his, needing him to anchor me with his gaze like only he could. He pressed his lips to mine firmly and then let his forehead rest against mine, lacing his fingers through mine and pulling my hands above my head. I gasped at the warm, burning sensation as he pushed his tip into me. He covered my mouth with his and squeezed my hands, comforting me.

"Breathe," he whispered against my mouth.

I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding, drawing a few shallow gasps as the stinging subsided. "More," I begged. It was barely a whisper.

Cautiously, he pushed himself inside of me, his shaggy hair brushing against my cheek as he moved. He stretched me to the point where I let out a strangled moan, gripping his hands painfully.

"Relax," he urged without stopping, filling me like I could never have imagined.

I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to match my breaths with his, trying to think of everything except how much it hurt. When he had buried himself all the way inside, he paused for a moment and I could feel _everything. _Every ridge and groove of him was nestled within me. It was a fucking spiritual experience. He grazed a soft kiss over my lips, causing my eyes to flutter open. His eyes mirrored the same overwhelmed intensity that I was feeling.

"This is…" he groaned, pressing his eyes shut momentarily, "Oh God, no words."

"Move," I asked in a pleading whisper. "I need to feel you move."

When he drew himself almost all the way out of me, the sensation was already crossing the barrier between pleasure and pain, and when he slid back in and grazed against that sensitive spot again, even the slight stinging that remained started to feel fucking amazing.

He started thrusting into me fluidly, the constant motion making it difficult for me to tell where he ended and I began. Everything started to cloud over- my mind, my vision, my sense of reality. The pressure and intensity was maddening to me. Seth grunted as he pushed my legs all the way back so my knees were now touching my own shoulders as well as his. He arched his back, angling his cock so it brushed against the most sensitive part of me with every single push and pull.

The pleasure was almost excruciating, so concentrated that I thought I was on the verge of blacking out. It was like I was so far past the point of my normal climax that I wasn't sure whether I would be able to hold out enough to get to a point where I could finish if we kept going like this.

Seth started to moan, his eyes closed, his head tilted back. The sound of him, combined with the way his gorgeous dark hair was falling across his face, tiny drops of sweat falling from him as he pushed into me, started to tickle at something in the pit of my stomach. I couldn't take my eyes off him: the way his jaw flexed as he cried out, the way the muscles of his stomach rippled along with the alternating arch and curl of his back. It was the sexiest thing I had ever seen.

Seth dug his fingers into my thighs roughly, slamming into me twice more before he started to pulse his release into me. This was the final pressure I needed before I felt my own orgasm exploding from me, ripping through me, harder than I'd ever experienced before. Seth bent forward, pressing his lips recklessly to mine as my hips jerked, my warm release covering my chest.

Seth remained inside me for another moment, his eyes searching mine, before he pulled out of me slowly. I was still gasping for air when he turned his body in toward my side and cupped my neck with his hand. Squeezing his fingers lightly around my neck, he kissed me reverently.

I chuckled lightly, causing him to frown.

"What?" he asked with an amused grin.

"We're never leaving this room again, are we?"

"Of course we are," he laughed, grinning devilishly, "I saw the way you were eyeing the kitchen floor earlier."

And so, even though day one had started out with somewhat tainted perfection, in month three of our relationship I knew: my happily ever after with Seth had officially begun.


	3. Futuretake: Prince of Persia

**A/N: **This is a tiny little future-take with the boys written for the Fics 4 Nashville fundraiser. It will be apparent where my inspiration came from when you read it ;) Thank you to **Chele681** for giving it a once-over and **Sweet Dulcinea** for letting me read it to her out loud. Endless thanks to **einfach mich** and **siouxchef **for organizing this fundraiser and letting me participate.

* * *

**Jacob PoV**

Shuffling into the darkened cinema while holding Seth's hand was terrifying and thrilling all at the same time. We had been forced to keep our relationship secret for so long, that actually being able to act like his boyfriend in public felt like some kind of extreme sport.

_Fear Factor: Out and About_, I thought with a mental chuckle at my own silliness. I would have to remember to tell Seth later when I wouldn't have to explain over the noise of the under-edited, over-dramatic previews which were currently playing.

As we sat down on the end of a row and settled in to eating our popcorn and drinking our slushies, I felt myself relax slightly in the semi-darkness, away from the scrutinizing eyes of the public. And believe me, they were plenty scrutinizing. I wouldn't have thought that the seemingly educated Seattle masses would look so harshly upon two young men holding hands while waiting in line at a concession stand, but I guess I had thought wrong.

When the lights dimmed entirely, indicating the start of the feature, Seth leaned over and whispered in my ear. "Is it lame that I'm crazy excited about seeing this movie?"

"You're adorable." I grinned widely and gave him a quick peck on the lips. "But not lame. I'm excited too. I feel like we're 14 again."

"Well, not entirely," he said, kissing me again and winking mischievously.

I shivered slightly and sat back in my seat. No one had ever affected me like Seth. The slight dimples that formed in his cheeks when his full, undeniably fucking erotic lips pulled into a smile were enough to make me come undone at a moment's notice. I couldn't even begin to describe my reaction every time he put his masterful hands on my body.

Yes, I had it really fucking bad for this boy.

A loud booming sound snapped me from my brief mental contemplation. I had momentarily forgotten that we were actually watching a movie thatI had been dying to see. I turned my full attention to the screen, to find a guy wearing an armor breast plate expertly scaling a giant stone wall.

Ah, _Prince of Persia_, one of my favorite video games of all time and one that Seth and I had played for hours on end back in junior high, had been made into a movie. Of course, back then Seth and I hadn't been lovers. We had been teenage best friends, totally obsessed with swords and time travel and Princess Tamina.

Obviously I had been in very deep denial and Seth had been very good at pretending to be into boobs.

As the action on the screen continued I found myself focusing less on the special effects and video game details and more on Prince Dastan himself. Jake Gyllenhaal was kitted out in an dark metal vest that revealed his surprisingly well-defined biceps, and pants… Oh, dear Lord how tight his pants were. And that devastating crooked smile thing he had going on.

Fuck.

I was freaking out. Aside from Seth I had never had any kind of physical reaction to a guy. I always figured that I was just gay for him in particular.

The ridiculous boner which was now bulging in my jeans begged to differ.

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, not entirely sure what to do with myself.

A few more minutes went by before Seth leaned over and whispered, "Babe, are you okay?"

"What are you talking about?" I squeaked in reply. His lips so close to my ear weren't helping my situation one bit.

"You're breathing so hard it sounds like you're running a marathon next to me." He looked at me pointedly, his eyes conveying that he wasn't going to let it go until I told him what was up. And something was definitely _up_.

"I'm just… a little… hot," I stammered lamely. I wasn't sure how to put it. I also wasn't sure how Seth would take his boyfriend having such an extreme reaction to another guy.

"I'm not buying it," he said with a skeptically arched eyebrow. "It's freezing in here."

"I'm hot… for… _him_," I finally conceded, nodding stiffly in the direction of Jake Gyllenhaal's enlarged frame, which was currently mounting a horse in one swift movement. I swallowed heavily.

Seth snorted loudly, eliciting grumbles from a few fellow moviegoers who obviously didn't approve of any kind of disturbances to their moviegoing experience.

"Seriously?" Even in the darkness his teeth were gleaming as he grinned widely at me.

I nodded hesitantly, not knowing what else to say or do.

Seth leaned in closer and I drew a sharp breath when his hand discreetly reached for the crotch of my jeans. "Oh, wow, you really are into it," he murmured against my ear. I couldn't help but grind myself into his hand. I needed to have him, and I didn't have the patience to wait.

I reached over and returned the favor, cupping my hand around his also-prominent erection, and squeezed.

Seth abruptly grabbed me by the back of the neck. "We're leaving, " he growled in my ear.

"Fuck yes," I replied, kissing him hard and biting down on his bottom lip.

Years later we still wouldn't be able to watch Jake Gyllenhaal movies without bursting into a fit of giggles.


	4. Futuretake: To Boldly Come

**A/N: **No matter how much time has passed, I find myself coming (*giggle) back to these boys. They find their way into so many of my thoughts. Some are too boring to turn into actual words, but this little scene was too giggle-worthy to pass up.

_**Warning:**_ _**Extreme geekitude ahead.**_

**All copyrighted and trademarked items mentioned herein are the property of their respective owners. The remaining content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.

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**To Boldly Come

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**Jacob POV**

"It's Thursday," Seth sing-songed cheekily, a pair of plastic elf-ears dangling from his index finger, "and you know what that means."

I rolled my eyes reflexively. "Who knew we'd get such great mileage out of these when we bought them?" I asked, unable to restrain my smile.

Seth was adorable when he got excited about things like this. His cheeks were flushed and strained from his impossibly bright smile. He climbed onto my lap where I was sitting in front of my computer and wrapped his arms around my neck. "Who knew you'd make such a great Legolas?" Seth responded with a quirked eyebrow. "And Elrond... and Elladan... and Elrohir." He planted teasing kisses on my lips in between each measured pause.

"Or that you would make such an excellent Peter Pan?" I returned his kisses in kind, sneaking my fingers up his shirt and tickling his bare back beneath. "The tights were an exceptionally thoughtful touch."

"I know you so well, you leg-loving pervert," he replied, burying his face in my neck and peppering me with enthusiastic kisses.

"So, what will it be tonight? Is Link going to attempt to save Princess Zelda only to find himself suddenly enamored by Ganon?" I asked, rehashing one of our favorite games.

"While I do love it when you play the bad guy, I was thinking that we could try something a little different tonight..." Seth trailed off, his dark chocolate eyes glinting with mischief and barely-contained lust.

"I'm all ears," I said, snatching the plastic elf-ears from his hand and laughing ironically at my own joke.

"Dork," he mumbled in mock annoyance, but the sloppy kiss he planted on my nose betrayed his fondness for my sometimes ridiculous sense of humor.

He rose from his comfy spot on my lap and motioned for me to follow him to the bedroom. I followed hesitantly, somewhat apprehensive of this new turn of events. Seth's ideas for our geeky erotic roleplaying were sometimes a bit out there. Granted, he had never dreamed up one that we both hadn't enjoyed in the end (literally and figuratively speaking).

When I arrived in our bedroom, Seth had already stripped down to his boxer briefs and was pulling a familiar yellow tunic over his head. He handed me a black one and the plastic ears.

"You've been reading that fan fiction again, haven't you?" I asked in exasperation, but still dressing myself in the costume he had provided.

He shot me his best innocent face and helped me to adjust the ears, happily ignoring my question.

"Do you ever do actual work at that place you go to read cleverly disguised gay porn every day?"

"What can I say, it's a slow month in advertising," he replied with a shrug, tugging on the collar of my tunic. "And don't pretend like I've never seen you clicking through Supernatural fan art late at night."

"The Wincest gets me every time," I sighed, batting my eyelashes dramatically.

"You know only I will ever love you for all of this, right?" he said, taking a step back to admire his handiwork. He shook his head as if to say, "It'll have to do."

"I think we have established that we have sufficiently ruined each other for anyone else," I agreed. "So, what's the scenario here?" I asked, gesturing between us.

"We're marooned on a desert planet," he began without hesitation. "The _Enterprise_ has left us and it's only you and me on the whole planet. The heat and the shock has induced _pon farr_ prematurely and I try to persuade you that we should mate in order to save your life."

I blinked, restrained my eyeroll and took a deep breath in preparation of one of the most challenging roles I have ever played in my esteemed career as good boyfriend and creative lover.

I opened my eyes and found Seth staring expectantly at me. I straightened up and folded my hands behind my back. "It seems, Captain, that I find myself in what humans would call, an embarrassing predicament," I began in a dry monotone.

"Spock?" Seth asked with concern, touching my shoulder gently.

"It appears that the shock of being stranded on this planet, coupled with the significant increase in surface temperature, has induced the Vulcan state of _pon farr_," I continued in my carefully measured deadpan.

"_Pon_ _what_?" he asked, taking a surprised step backward.

"If I may put it bluntly, sir, humans would refer to it as 'going into heat'. Consequently, if I do not mate with one whom I am emphatically bonded with, I will die."

"Mate or _die_?" he asked incredulously. "You've got to be kidding me."

"Vulcans do not _kid_, Captain."

"Well, then," he said, beginning to strip his tunic off, "let's get this show on the road, shall we?"

"To what _show_ are you referring, Captain?"

Seth took a step closer and laid a hand on my chest, inclining his head slightly. "I am going to mate with you, Spock. To save your life. And it's _Jim_," he added with a wink.

"That is a most logical choice... Jim. Would top or bottom be more preferable to you?"

Seth started laughing despite himself, obvious affection and gratitude welling up in his tender eyes. "Being with _you_ is preferable to me," he said softly, gently touching his lips to mine.

_Game Over._


End file.
